The Worst Paragraph Ever Written

Context: There’s an organization that sponsors Shabbat dinners. It’s really awesome: they basically pay you to feed your friends. That being said, they need a copywriter. Here’s a paragraph in the email they sent confirming my sponsored dinner:

As of Monday, July 19th, the new NEXT Shabbat program will begin providing new NEXT Shabbat’s with up to $14 per guest (maximum of 16 guests) for the first three meals a host registers after that date. After those three meals, hosts will receive up to $10 dollars per guest. As a returning NEXT Shabbat host, your meal-payment will be based on the number of meals you’ve held already. However, since you have a meal scheduled to take place between July 19th and August 19th, you will still receive $18 per-guest for that meal. Following that meal, if you’ve already held at least three meals, any meal registered after July 19th will only be eligible for a payment of $10 per guest. By joining with us as we make these changes to the program you will give many more people the opportunity to host and will enable thousands to participate in home-based Shabbat meals for the first time. If you’ve held less than three meals, any meal registered after July 19th will be eligible for a payment of up to $14 through your third meal. You can also see how many meals you have already hosted.

As always apologies for the lack of updates: I promise there’s a short (but major) update coming very soon, followed by more frequent posting (there’s a reason I’ve been so quiet lately).